***This content comes from the Joint Pain Programme Journal by Nuffield Health. As a Rehab Specialist running this program, I’m excited to share these helpful insights with you all.

Having joint pain can impact your sense of self, including the way you see yourself, your self-confidence, and your sense of identity.

Symptoms

Symptoms might include:

• Lost confidence and trust in your own body – feeling ‘weak’ or ‘broken’

• Loss of control and reliance on medication or walking aids

• Inability to engage in your previous activities

• Changes in your relationships and intimacy

• Struggling to adjust to doing less/fear of doing too much

Managing Self-Worth

Managing your self-worth when you have joint pain can feel like a mammoth task.

You may not be able to do what you once did, you can easily lose faith in your abilities, and you don’t know what to do to feel better.

You may feel like you have lost control and aren’t sure who you are anymore. It’s understandable that your confidence takes a nosedive, and your self-worth quickly follows.

There are, however, a number of things you can do to rebuild your sense of self and increase your confidence, which are introduced in this journal.

One of the most helpful things to start with is accepting these feelings and recognizing that they are normal.

Building Positive Relationships

Having joint pain or an associated health condition can put pressure on your relationships; some may become strained while others may become closer.

As well as coping with your own feelings, you may feel pressure to deal with the emotions of family and friends.

People with health difficulties often say they feel other people don’t understand them. You might have a sense that others expect you to just 'get on with things.'

This can be frustrating and feel as if they have no idea what you have been through and continue to go through, especially if you experience both good and bad days.

Many people with joint pain say that others don't always know how to respond around them.

They report that sometimes people can get frustrated with them, and other times people can be wary around them or careful not to upset them.

Sometimes people avoid getting in touch or avoid conversations. This is probably for fear of saying the wrong thing, but it can bring a great sense of loss and isolation.

Some people find their friends react in a way they didn’t anticipate; their closest friends may disappear, and people they didn’t expect to may make the most effort.

Communication is important in maintaining relationships.

Tips on Talking To:

Your Partner

• Be honest about how you feel.

• Use ‘I’ statements to focus on you and your feelings rather than your partner’s behavior. Explain what you need and how your partner can support you.

• Don’t be afraid to discuss sexual intimacy. Talking, kissing, cuddling, and touching are just as important as sexual intercourse. Communication and honesty about concerns are important.

• Be sensitive to each other’s needs.

Your Children

• You know your child best; trust your intuition. Be as specific and honest as possible.

• Use language your youngest child can understand.

• Talk to them about any changes to their day-to-day life.

Your Friends and Colleagues

• Let people know how they can support you. Reassure them they don’t need to feel pressured to say the ‘right thing.’

• Consider asking someone to be a key contact to pass on information or use social media to update a lot of people quickly.

Tips on Rebuilding Your Confidence

• Accept your feelings – it is normal to have mood changes following a change to your health.

• Expect some ups and downs – it is likely that some days will be better than others, and that you will have some down days. This is completely normal.

• One step at a time – set small, short-term, and realistic goals. This will help you to feel a sense of accomplishment for the changes you make. This is more helpful than attempting too much and then feeling like you’ve failed.

• Stay connected – having social interaction can help your sense of well-being. It helps to talk to others about your experiences.

• Celebrate your successes – recognize all of your gains, no matter how small. This will give you the encouragement to keep going and achieve your goals.

Building a Life of Purpose and Meaning

When you are living with joint pain and making life adjustments, it can be helpful to think about what you value most in life, and how you can act in ways that help you truly live your values.

A value is a life direction, an internal compass which guides us throughout life. Values are different from goals which have an endpoint. Values are often life-long, giving our lives meaning and purpose.

To identify our values, we can think about what it is in life that is really important to us and gives our life meaning and purpose. Is it our relationships (e.g., to be a good parent)? Is it our careers, connecting with nature, healthy living, community service, or making a difference?

Having identified our values, we know where we want to go in life, the direction we want to progress towards.

We might set goals along the way. Knowing our values will help us decide how to react to stress and distress. In spite of how we feel, we can still move in the direction of our values.

This may look differently from how you lived life before.

Identifying Your Values

The ‘valued living questionnaire’ can help you to identify the values which matter most to you.

As you reach each life component, ask yourself how important each of these areas is to your life – regardless of how much time or effort you currently put into them.

Rate the importance of each component on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being not important at all and 10 being extremely important.

Do your best to rate them honestly, according to your true feelings, not how you think you should rate them.

You’ll then use your responses to this questionnaire in an exercise that follows, which will help you move toward engaging in what you value.

Action for Change

This exercise will help you create a more fulfilling life for yourself by formulating intentions and committed actions based on your values. It will help you think about ways to make your life feel more fulfilling based on what you think is important.

Committed Action

• Using the Valued Living Questionnaire left, identify the components of your life that you rated as a 5 or higher (from moderately important to extremely important).

• Put the names of those areas on the worksheet right.

Intentions and Actions

• Think about one intention for each of those valued components, which will help you make your life feel more fulfilling.

• Then, identify the actions you are willing to commit to doing, stating when you will begin them, that will move you toward your intention.

Be Kind to Yourself

Sometimes, when we are living with pain or health difficulties, we can become quite hard on ourselves, especially if we feel unable to do the things we used to do.

This often leads to self-criticism, which can undermine motivation and well-being. Self-kindness is important for our well-being.

We spend more time with ourselves than anyone else, and how we relate to ourselves has a huge impact on how we feel.

Self-compassion plays a vital role in our mental well-being, and our bodies also benefit from giving and receiving kindness.

Beneficial impacts on the body include effects on the immune and cardiovascular systems, the nervous system, and even the regulation of our genes.

It’s Kind of Hard Sometimes

Despite this, the seemingly simple idea of being kind to yourself can be a difficult concept for some. Many people find it much easier to be compassionate to others than to themselves.

Some people confuse kindness with weakness or worry that being self-compassionate means an attitude where "anything goes," resulting in lowered self-expectations, standards, or achievements.

Some Common Myths About Being Kind

• Being self-compassionate means I will become lazy and won’t achieve what I want in life.

• Looking after myself is selfish.

• Being kind to myself makes me ‘soft’ or self-indulgent. Other people are more important than me and need to be my priority.

• I don’t deserve kindness.

• I need to make sure I don’t make any mistakes – being self-compassionate will let me off the hook too easily.

• If things get too easy for me, I’m asking for trouble.

These ideas, while understandable, misinterpret the real idea of self-compassion.

Self-compassion involves treating oneself kindly, acknowledging that as humans "we are all in the same boat," and that everybody hurts sometimes.

It also means we are motivated to balance our negative thoughts and emotions by acting to relieve our distress.

This isn’t, however, a "free pass" to act how we like.

On the contrary, true self-compassion involves being honest with ourselves and fully accountable for our actions.

The difference is that this is done with an understanding of what it really means to be human and the knowledge that no one is perfect.

Kind Self-Talk

Compassionate self-talk involves talking to ourselves the way we would talk to someone whom we love and want to support and encourage.

Think about the words you might say to someone else who was experiencing distress, and how you might speak to them. Imagine saying the same phrases to yourself in the same way.

If you notice you are being critical towards yourself, it can help to have some compassionate phrases to hand. Think of some statements that most strongly resonate with you.

Example Phrases

• "This is a difficult moment and it will pass."

• "I’m deserving of help and direction."

• "It’s okay to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes."

• "I am going to be kind to myself in this moment."

• "I deserve kindness."

You may find speaking to yourself with kindness and compassion is difficult at times. Don’t give up.

Keep trying; like any new skill, it requires practice, but the benefits are worth it.

Be patient and be kind to yourself.

Your Space to Reflect

📍 Starting Point

- How has joint pain affected your sense of who you are?

- What aspects of your identity feel most changed?

🤔 Looking Deeper

- When do you feel most like 'yourself'?

- How have your relationships adapted to these changes?

💡 Exploring Possibilities

- Which parts of your identity would you like to strengthen?

- What new aspects of yourself have you discovered?

🔄 New Perspectives

- How might accepting change while maintaining core values help?

- What would embracing a evolving sense of self look like?